Deviation Actions
Kankri [KANKRI] joined chat. ~~ 1 ~~
Cronus [CRONUS] joined chat. ~~ 2 ~~
KANKRI: Cr9nus, have y9u seen my whistle? I think I might have misplaced it s9mewhere in the area, yet I can't recall where.
CRONUS: gee, i vwonder vwhere it could havwe possibly gone.
KANKRI: My th9ughts exactly, I d9n't remem6er rem9ving it ar9und my neck n9r putting it d9wn anywhere 6ut the last I remem6er having it it was in this sp9t.
CRONUS: oh, vwell, it could be ANYVWHERE by nowv, i guess youll havwe to forget about it.
KANKRI: F9rget a69ut it? I will d9 n9 such thing! That whistle has 6een with me thr9ugh thick and thin. That 6eing said I have full intenti9ns 9f l9cating it! Even if it takes me all day.
KANKRI: It will 6e f9und.
CRONUS: cant you just get something newv?
CRONUS: something less, ah, ear-piercing?
KANKRI: Cr9nus, what w9uld the p9int 6e if I l9st its ear-piercing quality? It gra6s pe9ples attenti9ns, mainly t9wards me. Which is my desired intenti9ns.
KANKRI: I kn9w it must 6e ar9und here s9mewhere, iv'e 6een retracing my steps s9 it can't 6e t99 far fr9m me!
CRONUS: all im saying is, maybe its time to phase the old girl out.
KANKRI: Why w9uld I want t9 d9 s9mething like that?
CRONUS: its getting on in svweeps, probably losing its quality.
KANKRI: I assure y9u that it is d9ing n9 such thing, I take g99d care 9f my whistle. It's in tip t9p shape, p9ssi6ly the 6est shape it has ever 6een in.
CRONUS: no, no, it vwas DEFINITELY starting to sound a little muddy.
KANKRI: I pr96a6ly just have t9 give it a spit and shine, take it apart and clean it fr9m the inside 9ut.
KANKRI: That usually d9es the trick.
CRONUS: are you sure youre still talking about a vwhistle here?
KANKRI: Yes? What else w9uld I 6e referring t9?
CRONUS: sounds like a girl to me.
KANKRI: H9w d9es that s9und like a girl?
KANKRI: Y9u d9n't take a lady apart 9f clean her fr9m the inside 9ut.
KANKRI: That's just weird.
KANKRI: D9n't 6e weird, Cr9nus.
CRONUS: take her LEGS apaet.
CRONUS: **apart
KANKRI: EW! N9. This isn't s9mething that's g9ing t9 6e discussed.
KANKRI: Help my find my whistle.
KANKRI: Me***
CRONUS: arent you a little old for vwhistles?
KANKRI: Aren't y9u a little 9ld f9r tacky leather jackets?
CRONUS: good thing theyre not tacky, then.
KANKRI: That's de6ata6le.
CRONUS: theyre handmade, hand bedazzled, high quality, and make me look sharp.
KANKRI: I didn't ask, Cr9nus. Let me find my whistle.
CRONUS: the memory could havwe changed vwhile you left.
CRONUS: howv do you knowv youre in the same spot?
CRONUS: trust me, its MUCH better to just forget it existed.
KANKRI: I literally walked 6ackwards in my exact steps until I reached this p9int.
KANKRI: And, as iv'e said 6ef9re, I am n9t f9rgetting a69ut my whistle.
CRONUS: it could havwe uh, been absorbed by the ground.
KANKRI: Cr9nus, y9u're n9t stupid s9 d9n't say stupid things.
CRONUS: no, really, i lost a comb to this place once.
KANKRI: A c9m6 isn't a whistle.
KANKRI: I kn9w f9r a fact that y9u carry ar9und at least five c9m6s.
CRONUS: howv vwould YOU knowv vwhats in my captchalogue, huh?
KANKRI: Y9u're the 9ne wh9 t9ld me? Y9u tell me a l9t 9f things I d9n't want t9 hear, Cr9nus.
CRONUS: vwell, it could havwe changed.
KANKRI: Did it?
CRONUS: my combs are just as important (if not significantly more) than your vwhistle.
KANKRI: Yeah, well, this isn't a69ut y9ur c9m6s c9nsidering that isn't what has 6een l9st.
CRONUS: i think youre ovwerreacting.
CRONUS: sometimes you just gotta let things go.
KANKRI: Y9u w9uldn't 6e saying that if it were s9mething 9f y9urs.
CRONUS: ivwe lost PLENTY of things ovwer the svweeps.
CRONUS: and you knowv vwhat i did?
CRONUS: ask me vwhat i did, it sounds better if you ask me.
KANKRI: Hhh.
KANKRI: What did y9u d9 Cr9nus.
CRONUS: i replaced it and only complained a LITTLE.
KANKRI: 9h, y9u're such an inspirati9n.
CRONUS: and for some stuff, i didnt evwen replace or complain about it, because frankly, it vwas their time to go.
KANKRI: Cr9nus, I really like my whistle and I d9n't want t9 have t9 replace it.
KANKRI: If y9u c9uld help me find it I w9uld 6e extremely grateful.
CRONUS: you still havwent explained vwhy you NEED it.
KANKRI: 6ecause I like it.
CRONUS: does that mean you need me too?
KANKRI: What??
CRONUS: because you need things you like, right?
KANKRI: Well, yeah I supp9se.
CRONUS: nice, im going to remember that during your inevwitable betrayal.
CRONUS: ANYVWAYS, vwhistle.
CRONUS: just use your mouth to vwhistle.
KANKRI: I d9n't kn9w h9w t9 whistle with my m9uth.
CRONUS: use your fingers, then.
KANKRI: Cr9nus if I knew h9w t9 d9 any 9f these things d9 y9u h9nestly think I w9uld have ever used the whistle?
CRONUS: sharper sound.
KANKRI: While that is true I used it 6ecause I d9n't kn9w h9w t9 use either my m9uth n9r fingers t9 whistle.
KANKRI: ((6r6!
CRONUS: im gonna levwel vwith you here, sport.
CRONUS: i sawv...uhhh...nitram, i sawv nitram ovwer here.
CRONUS: sniffing around in the shady, attention-stealing-bastard vway he does.
KANKRI: Rufi9h? Really? I never th9ught him t9 6e the theiving type.
KANKRI: Are y9u sure that he is a p9ssi6le suspect in my missing whistle case?
CRONUS: absolutely positivwe.
CRONUS: and theres a dark side to him, yknowv.
KANKRI: Yes, yes, iv'e heard a69ut this dark side 9f his.
KANKRI: Damara has t9ld me a69ut it.
KANKRI: Sh9uld I demand that he return my whistle?
CRONUS: if you confront him, he might turn nasty.
KANKRI: Y9u're a6s9lutely right.
KANKRI: H9w sh9uld I g9 a69ut this then?
CRONUS: vwhy dont you check his hivwe?
CRONUS: on the dowvn-lowv.
KANKRI: Check his hive? I think that w9uld 6e c9nsidered 6reaking and entering.
KANKRI: I w9uldn't want t9 c9mmit any fel9nies.
CRONUS: no, it falls under vwigilante justice.
KANKRI: Hm.
KANKRI: Well.
KANKRI: I still d9n't kn9w if I'm capa6le 9f c9mmitting such an act.
KANKRI: Perhaps I sh9uld just talk with him instead.
KANKRI: He seems t9 6e easy g9ing.
CRONUS: no, no, trust me.
CRONUS: bad idea.
KANKRI: Why sh9uld I 6reak int9 his hive anyh9w?
KANKRI: It d9esn't make much sense if y9u get right d9wn t9 it.
CRONUS: hes probably got his uh, thievwing hoard there.
KANKRI: I'm sure he w9uld have my whistle 9n him at all times.
KANKRI: Just in case I were t9 visist.
CRONUS: no, hes not that bright.
KANKRI: We sh9uldn't underestimate him.
KANKRI: He's already 6ested me 9nce.
KANKRI: I w9uldn't want him t9 d9 it a sec9nd time.
CRONUS: the vwhistle or vwhat?
KANKRI: The whistle 96vi9usly!
CRONUS: he just picked it up.
CRONUS: thats HARDLY besting you.
KANKRI: N9, there is a deeper meaning 6ehind this.
KANKRI: This may 6e an9ther 9ne 9f his caligi9n9us flirting techniques.
KANKRI: He has made passes in the past.
CRONUS: vwowv, ok.
CRONUS: that escalated quickly.
KANKRI: My th9ughts exactly.
KANKRI: He wants t9 get a rile 9ut 9f me 6ut it will n9t happen!
CRONUS: you sure youre not reading into this just a LITTLE?
KANKRI: N9, this is s9mething m9re.
KANKRI: I can sense it.
KANKRI: He w9uldn't d9 this just t9 d9 this.
CRONUS: oh my god.
KANKRI: What an ass.
CRONUS: howv vwould he knowv it vwas YOUR vwhistle?
KANKRI: Wh9 else d9 y9u kn9w carries ar9und a whistle???
KANKRI: Riddle me that, Cr9nus!
CRONUS: i dont pry into peoples personal kinks.
KANKRI: It isn't a kink!
CRONUS: howv do you knowv none of our friends havwe a vwhistle kink?
KANKRI: 6ecause P9rrim w9uld kn9w.
KANKRI: And P9rrim likes t9 c9nfide in me.
CRONUS: she vwouldnt knowv EVWERYONES kinks.
KANKRI: Yeah, y9urs.
CRONUS: hey nowv, thats an unfair assumption.
CRONUS: howv do you knowv vwe havwent had a thing shes simply too embarrassed to evwer mention?
KANKRI: She t9ld me that she w9uldn't t9uch y9u even if the fate 9f the universe depended 9n it.
CRONUS: maybe its an ovwercompensation.
KANKRI: I think n9t.
CRONUS: maybe it vwas a VWHILE ago.
KANKRI: It was yesterday.
CRONUS: no, the relationship that vwe might havwe had.
KANKRI: The relati9nship y9u didn't have happened never.
CRONUS: i dont tell you evwerything about my romance life.
KANKRI: Like I said, P9rrim d9es.
CRONUS: so maybe i didnt hook up vwith MARYAM, but theres still ten others out there.
KANKRI: Name me 9ne and I'll g9 ask them t9 c9nfirm y9u ever had relati9ns with them.
CRONUS: an ampora nevwer kisses and tells.
KANKRI: Y9u have the first 9ne right.
KANKRI: Anyways.
KANKRI: We need t9 f9cus 9n Rufi9h and him 6eing a theif.
CRONUS: like i said, you vwouldnt knowv and its unfair to judge.
KANKRI: Whatever Cr9nus we can talk a69ut what didn't happen later.
CRONUS: youre the one vwhos obsessing ovwer nitram supposedly vwanting to jump your bones.
KANKRI: He d9es this 9n purp9se! I kn9w he d9es! L99k at him, acting like he didn't d9 what y9u just saw him d9!
CRONUS: sounds like SOMEONES projecting, if you ask me.
KANKRI: Cr9nus! N9t the time f9r it! I want my whistle 6ack!
CRONUS: its not like this is something NEWV or anything, because for some bizarre, illogical reason, EVWERYONE vwants to nail nitram.
KANKRI: 9h my G9d. CR9NUS. My whistle.
CRONUS: i mean, really, vwhat does HE havwe that i DONT?
CRONUS: are the vwings really THAT fucking amazing?
KANKRI: Are y9u even listening t9 me? I feel like y9u aren't listening t9 me.
KANKRI: --Snaps his fingers in fr9nt 9f his face.-- Hey! I'm talking!
CRONUS: huh, vwhat.
KANKRI: Hhh.
CRONUS: that vwas a serious question, by the vway.
KANKRI: What was a seri9us questi9n?
CRONUS: vwhat does nitram havwe that i dont.
KANKRI: He's s9cia6le and fr9m what I here, charming.
KANKRI: Hear***
CRONUS: im sociable and charming.
KANKRI: ...Let's g9 with that.
CRONUS: hell, ivwe evwen got the great dyed hair.
KANKRI: Y9u dye y9ur hair? Why are y9u telling me this? I d9n't particularly care a69ut what y9u d9 t9 y9ur hair.
KANKRI: All I kn9w is t9 n9t put a flame near it.
KANKRI: Y9u'll expl9de if I d9.
CRONUS: im just saying, its completely unfair that HE gets the bitches vwhile i DONT.
KANKRI: Well, first 9f all. Y9u call them 6itches, which is extremely degrading and unattractive.
CRONUS: no, its pretty hot.
KANKRI: N9, it isn't.
CRONUS: trust me on this one.
KANKRI: Whatever, I was d9ne fighting a69ut it anyways.
CRONUS: anyvways, hes probably uh.
CRONUS: melted dowvn the vwhistle by nowv.
KANKRI: He w9uldn't.
CRONUS: maybe hes...
CRONUS: forging it into a spade shape.
KANKRI: He w9uldn't!
KANKRI: He w9uldn't d9 that, Cr9nus. W9uld he?
CRONUS: i bet hes going to put it on a collar.
CRONUS: and givwe it to you.
KANKRI: If he d9es that I'm 6reaking his fingers.
CRONUS: its probably too late.
KANKRI: What sh9uld I d9? He's 6asically c9axing me int9 d9ing s9mething pitched! Sh9uld I ign9re him? Iv'e 6een ign9ring him f9r s9me time, perhaps it'll finally dawn 9n him that I'm n9t interested. N9. N9 9ne 6it. Iv'e taken my v9w 9f celi6acy! I can't take 9n any quadrants.
CRONUS: i guess youll havwe to kick his ass.
CRONUS: its your only choice.
KANKRI: Are y9u sure?
KANKRI: There has t9 6e an9ther 9pti9n.
KANKRI: A less vi9lent 9pti9n.
CRONUS: but REALLY fast, so that silvwer tongue of his doesnt seduce you.
KANKRI: As if! I w9uldn't fall f9r that, y9u kn9w I w9uldn't.
CRONUS: thats vwhat i said.
KANKRI: Still.
KANKRI: Just.
KANKRI: I d9n't kn9w if that's the right ch9ice.
CRONUS: its fuck or fight, chief.
KANKRI: I feel like there sh9uld 6e a third 9pti9n.
KANKRI: 9ne that inv9lves P9rrim.
CRONUS: youre telling me you need MARYAM to bail you out?
CRONUS: that you cant handle a pixie-ass fucker like him on your owvn?
KANKRI: I d9n't want t9 cause c9nflict, and P9rrim can usually get things d9ne in 9ne g9.
KANKRI: She is very persuasive when she wants t9 6e.
CRONUS: but it means youre vweak.
KANKRI: I'm n9t weak.
CRONUS: and yet you need a JADE8LOOD to help you?
KANKRI: Why are y9u saying her 6l99d c9l9r in such a t9ne?
KANKRI: D9n't 6e insulting, Cr9nus.
KANKRI: It's very 9ffensive t9 P9rrim.
CRONUS: vwell, i mean, shes so much HIGHER than you, so she might think of helping you out in the vwrong sense.
KANKRI: She w9uldn't think 9f it in that way...w9uld she?
CRONUS: just betvween you and me, vwhenevwer you vwerent around on the group memos, she used to talk about howv much you needed her because you vwere just a helpless little mutant.
KANKRI: What? She w9uldn't say such things 6ehind my 6ack, if she had anything t9 say t9 me she w9uld say it t9 my face.
KANKRI: P9rrim isn't like that, Cr9nus.
CRONUS: shes a tvwo-faced bitch, kankri.
KANKRI: And 6esides, I sh9uld have g9tten n9tificati9ns if any69dy else c9mmented 9n my mem9s in my a6sen-GASP!!!
KANKRI: Cr9nus!!!
CRONUS: vwhat?
KANKRI: D9 N9T let her hear y9u say such things!
CRONUS: exactly, shed attack me for pointing out vwhat a horrible person she is.
KANKRI: I think she w9uld attack y9u reguardless f9r talking like this 6ehind her 6ack.
CRONUS: i cant say it to her face because shes taller than me and i think she vworks out.
KANKRI: She d9es.
KANKRI: She drags me t9 her hive every weekend and has me d9 it with her.
KANKRI: It's a pain.
CRONUS: and a fella like me, vwhos all rough around the edges vwith natural strength doesnt stand a chance.
KANKRI: I guess.
KANKRI: It just d9esn't make sense that she w9uld say these things a69ut me.
KANKRI: We're extremely cl9se if y9u haven't n9ticed.
CRONUS: shes lying to you.
KANKRI: That's.
KANKRI: Extremely rude 9f her.
CRONUS: pretty much evweryone lies around here.
CRONUS: im the only one you can really trust.
KANKRI: Really? Every69dy tells me 9therwise.
CRONUS: isnt that EXACTLY vwhat people vwho vwere lying vwould say?
KANKRI: 6ut what if y9u're the 9ne wh9's lying?
CRONUS: think about it, havwe i EVWER lied to anyone?
KANKRI: Yes, y9u hvae.
CRONUS: name one time.
KANKRI: T9 Mituna last week when y9u hid his skate69ard fr9m him and t9ld him that H9russ 6r9ke it in half and had Rufi9h 6urn the pieces with his fire a6ilities.
CRONUS: alright, fair enough, but havwe i evwer lied to YOU?
KANKRI: I d9n't kn9w.
CRONUS: exactly, so you should knowv that im telling the truth vwhen i say porrim took your vwhistle.
KANKRI: Wait.
KANKRI: Y9u said Rufi9h t99k my whistle.
CRONUS: .
CRONUS: no, i said porrim took it.
KANKRI: N9, y9u said Rufi9h t99k it.
CRONUS: im pretty sure i said porrim.
KANKRI: Y9u said it was him.
KANKRI: That he melted it and made it int9 a silver spade.
KANKRI: And put it 9n a c9llar.
CRONUS: i said PORRIM did that.
KANKRI: N9 y9u didn't! Y9u said Rufi9h!
Kankri [KANKRI] is now Rufioh [RUFIOH]. ~~ 1 ~~
RUFIOH: who sa1d ruf1oh?
CRONUS: uh.
CRONUS: kankris, uh.
CRONUS: kankris staging a plot against you.
RUFIOH: what?
RUFIOH: kankr1? you are? why?
Rufioh [RUFIOH] is now Kankri [KANKRI]. ~~ 1 ~~
KANKRI: What!
KANKRI: I am d9ing n9 such thing!
KANKRI: Cr9nus, tell him the truth!
CRONUS: vwowv, vwould you LOOK at the TIME.
CRONUS: see, id LOVWE to stay, but ivwe got.
CRONUS: an uh...
CRONUS: a group orgy scheduled, so.
Kankri [KANKRI] is now Rufioh [RUFIOH]. ~~ 1 ~~
RUFIOH: woah there dude. --grabs cronus by the arm.-- what have you been tell1ng kankr1? and what have you been tell1ng h1m about me?
CRONUS: {(why not just open an incognito tab or a new browser, might make things a bit easier
RUFIOH: ((1 d1dn't know you could do that! thank you!
CRONUS: {(it's gotta be incognito or a completely different one though, a normal new window/tab doesnt work
anonymous [??] joined chat. ~~ 3 ~~
CRONUS: i havwent been telling anyone about anything, and i REALLY gotta go.
anonymous [??] is now Kankri [KANKRI]. ~~ 3 ~~
KANKRI: Rufi9h, Cr9nus has 6een telling me that he saw y9u pick up my missing whistle and melted it int9 a spade!
RUFIOH: a spade...? no, doll, 1 a1n't done noth1ng l1ke that.
CRONUS: *Blanch. Begins tugging at his arm, trying to break Rufioh's grip.*
RUFIOH: --keeps an 1ron gr1p on h1m.-- yo, cronus...why are you try1ng to put me 1n the hot seat?
CRONUS: times a vwasting here, im gonna be late, so if youd just LET GO...
RUFIOH: 1 th1nk you better answer the quest1on.
CRONUS: really, im the star player in this orgy.
CRONUS: it cant start vwithout me.
KANKRI: Yeah? Y9u and wh9, Cr9nus.
KANKRI: I'm sure we w9uld 69th just L9VE t9 kn9w wh9 y9u're keeping waiting.
CRONUS: vwhyre you so interested in my group sex?
RUFIOH: because we're pretty sure you a1n't tell1ng the truth bro...hate to call you a l1ar but...you know...you k1nda are one.
CRONUS: im as honest as the night is long, and youre REALLY starting to pinch here.
RUFIOH: 1f you're so honest why are you call1ng me a th1ef?
CRONUS: it vwas a misunderstanding, i nevwer called you a thief.
RUFIOH: 1 haven't stole anyth1ng...swear on my lusus and everyth1ng.
KANKRI: He called y9u a thief, Rufi9h.
CRONUS: he misheard 'maryam' as 'nitram'.
KANKRI: I did n9t!
KANKRI: H9w c9uld y9u even mistake the tw9?
CRONUS: thats vwhat im asking you.
KANKRI: And 6esides, it isn't like I wanted t9 start anything anyh9w!
KANKRI: Y9u t9ld me it was either fuck 9r fight!
KANKRI: That's what y9u said.
KANKRI: That's what he said, Rufi9h.
CRONUS: in reference to MARYAM.
RUFIOH: dude...that's s1ck.
RUFIOH: and 1 don't mean that 1n the best way.
RUFIOH: do you have a problem w1th me or someth1ng?
CRONUS: noooooo, i absolutely LOVWE you clogging up the dating game.
CRONUS: really just my favworite thing.
CRONUS: anyvways, my arms real sensitivwe.
CRONUS: its gonna bruise if you dont let go.
RUFIOH: yeah 1 don't th1nk that's go1ng to be the worse of 1t 1f you don't get your sh*t stra1ght.
RUFIOH: the f*ck 1s your problem w1th me?
CRONUS: i dont havwe a problem vwith you.
KANKRI: Y9u made it pretty clear t9 me that y9u have a pr96lem with him.
Cronus's connection timed out. Please don't quit straight away; they could be back.
Cronus [CRONUS] joined chat. ~~ 2 ~~
CRONUS: i dont havwe a problem vwith him.
KANKRI: Y9u implied it.
KANKRI: And if y9u didn't, why did y9u want me t9 fight him?
CRONUS: i vwas talking about MARYAM.
KANKRI: Y9u said RUFI9H NITRAM.
CRONUS: i said PORRIM MARYAM.
RUFIOH: look man...1 take kankr1's word over yours any day...and 1t sounds to me l1ke you've been talk1ng a lot of sh*t about me.
RUFIOH: 1 don't apprec1ate that.
CRONUS: cmon, cmon, be reasonable, just leggo.
RUFIOH: sounds l1ke you haven't been so reasonable, [1]pal[/1].
RUFIOH: ((d*mn
CRONUS: {(pats
CRONUS: im sure vwe can vwork this out later.
CRONUS: but im pretty busy.
RUFIOH: 1 th1nk you've got t1me for th1s...so how about we work th1s out now.
RUFIOH: --cracks neck.--
KANKRI: 9h.
KANKRI: 9h my G9d.
CRONUS: *Flinch.*
KANKRI: Sh9uld I get P9rrim?
KANKRI: Is there g9ing t9 6e a fight?
CRONUS: please dont get porrim.
RUFIOH: 1 don't know, cronus...maybe we should get our jade blooded beauty down here and see what she th1nks of you talk1ng th1s way about her.
CRONUS: this is all a misunderstanding, im innocent.
RUFIOH: why don't you get her kankr1...we wouldn't want you to w1tness someth1ng so bloody anyhow...you m1ght fa1nt and 1 don't want to stop because you h1t your head on someth1ng sharp.
CRONUS: hey, hey, you like gold?
CRONUS: ivwe got gold.
CRONUS: vwhattya say vwe put this behind us, eh?
RUFIOH: SHUT UP.
RUFIOH: kankr1...get.
KANKRI: W9ah.
KANKRI: Excuse me, 6ut I d9n't f9ll9w y9ur 9rders, Nitram.
RUFIOH: don't make th1s 1nto a b1g deal vantas...1 don't need you butt1ng 1n l1ke you always do.
CRONUS: hes gonna beat me up, kankri, you really vwant that kinda blood indirectly on your hands?
CRONUS: if you dont intervwene, its your fault.
KANKRI: Uh.
KANKRI: I.
KANKRI: Rufi9h y9u sh9uld put him d9wn.
CRONUS: remember all the times i bailed YOU out?
RUFIOH: oh my f***1ng...kankr1 don't start.
CRONUS: and listened to your dumb speeches vwhen no one else did?
CRONUS: did i say dumb? i meant incredible.
RUFIOH: --squeezes h1s arm harder.-- keep your mouth shut before 1 knock your teeth out.
KANKRI: We sh9uld.
KANKRI: We sh9uld sit d9wn and talk this 9ut.
RUFIOH: oh.
RUFIOH: my.
RUFIOH: GOD.
RUFIOH: cronus get h1m to shut up.
CRONUS: you cant do this, im too beautiful.
KANKRI: Y9u kn9w there is a tr9ll jail s9mewhere near6y.
KANKRI: Think a69ut y9ur future, Rufi9h.
CRONUS: yeah, yeah, throwv me in the slammer.
CRONUS: lots of chains and handcuffs and gags and stuff.
KANKRI: What? Cr9nus, n9, d9n't make this int9 a sex thing.
CRONUS: ill be absolutely MISERA8LE.
CRONUS: no, no, its not a sex thing.
KANKRI: It s9unds like a sex thing.
CRONUS: im not into any of that stuff at all.
CRONUS: really, just turns me COMPLETELY off.
RUFIOH: --cocks h1s arm back and sends 1t hurtl1ng forward, slamm1ng h1s bunched up f1st stra1ght 1nto cronus' nose.--
CRONUS: *There's a crack and his head slams back. He puts his other hand up to his nose, violet blood staining his fingertips. Cronus lets out a whimper, jerking his arm harder than ever.*
KANKRI: 9H MY G9D!
KANKRI: CR9NUS THERE'S 6L99D EVERYWHERE!
KANKRI: IT'S JUST.
KANKRI: THERE'S JUST S9 MUCH 9F IT.
CRONUS: vwell, DO SOMETHING A8OUT IT.
KANKRI: WHAT D9 I D9???
CRONUS: FIGHT HIM.
KANKRI: WHAT? I CAN'T FIGHT HIM! L99K AT WHAT HE DID T9 Y9UR N9SE!
CRONUS: YOUVWE GOT A VWEAPON, DONT YOU??
KANKRI: I D9N'T D9 THAT ANYM9RE!
KANKRI: IT MADE ME SEEM THREATENING!
CRONUS: MY AFTERLIFE IS AT STAKE.
KANKRI: 9KAY! 9KAY! I'LL JUST-! --Leans f9rward and presses a weak punch against Rufi9h's arm.-- Take that!
RUFIOH: dude...what the f*ck was that?
RUFIOH: just.
CRONUS: oh my god.
CRONUS: im doomed.
CRONUS: im fucking doomed, theres no hope for me, im going to die again.
KANKRI: It's 9kay, Cr9nus, I think I g9t him where I want him.
KANKRI: He is t9tally threatened.
CRONUS: this is the end for cronus ampora.
RUFIOH: kankr1...1 don't mean to l1ke 1nsult you 1n front of ampora of all people but...that was pretty weak.
CRONUS: that vwas fucking pathetic.
KANKRI: W9ah, w9ah, w9ah!
KANKRI: N9 it wasn't!
KANKRI: That was a s9lid landing!
CRONUS: put some FORCE into it.
KANKRI: Cr9nus, stay 9ut 9f this.
KANKRI: This isn't a69ut y9u.
CRONUS: THIS IS LITERALLY A8OUT ME.
KANKRI: Rufi9h, y9u sh9uldn't think that y9u have the right t9 tell me h9w t9 fight.
KANKRI: I KN9W h9w t9 fight!
CRONUS: so do it.
RUFIOH: yeah sure you do.
CRONUS: kick his ass.
RUFIOH: cronus, shut up th1s 1sn't about you.
CRONUS: tear the vwings off.
CRONUS: and like, shred em into little pieces.
CRONUS: in front of him.
RUFIOH: --another punch 1n the face.--
CRONUS: vwhile he has to vwaaaaUUUGGGGGH!
RUFIOH: --punch, punch, punch.--
KANKRI: --Meanwhile Kankri is hanging 9nt9 his arm, getting jerked 6ack and f9rth.-- AHHHH!!!
KANKRI: CR9NUS! THIS IS G9ING H9RRI6LY!
CRONUS: *His only defense mechanism is just to go completely limp.*
RUFIOH: --after a few more punches to the face, neck, and chest area ruf1oh drops h1m.--
CRONUS: *He curls up into a bleeding fetal shape, sobbing like a child.*
RUFIOH: --tr1es to shake kankr1 off h1s arm.--
KANKRI: --Screaming silently.-- Cr9nus! Get up and fight him! He's g9ing t9 6eat me up!
CRONUS: evwerything hurts and my face is ruined and im going to die.
KANKRI: Cr9nus! Help me!
CRONUS: cant you see im a little busy DYING right nowv, kankri?
RUFIOH: oh my god...kankr1...get off my arm!
RUFIOH: you're mak1ng 1t get all sore.
CRONUS: good.
CRONUS: stay on his arm.
CRONUS: {(brb
RUFIOH: ((okay!
RUFIOH: --k1cks h1m 1n the stomach absentm1ndedly.--
RUFIOH: kankr1...doll..get off the arm.
KANKRI: I'm n9t y9ur d9ll!
KANKRI: Yeah, that's right, y9ur arm is getting all s9re, isn't it?
KANKRI: See? This is what happens when y9u mess with a VANTAS!
KANKRI: Y9u get s9re arms!
RUFIOH: dude.
RUFIOH: just.
CRONUS: {(back
RUFIOH: ((wb!
RUFIOH: --plucks kankr1 off h1s arm, hold1ng h1m up by the back of h1s sweater collar.--
CRONUS: just--OOF--get your fucking VWEAPON already.
KANKRI: It's at my hive!!!
CRONUS: oh my god.
KANKRI: Unhand me, Nitram!
KANKRI: Cr9nus! I'm stuck.
CRONUS: do i havwe to do EVWERYTHING myself?
KANKRI: Well, y9u haven't really d9ne anything.
CRONUS: i dont evwen havwe any GUNS vwith me, do you knowv vwhat youre forcing me to resort to here?
RUFIOH: yeah? what are you resort1ng to?
CRONUS: i cant evwen say its unholy name out loud.
RUFIOH: does anybody real1ze how r1d1culous th1s 1s?
KANKRI: I d9/
KANKRI: C9uld y9u.
KANKRI: Put me d9wn?
CRONUS: *He's about to uncaptchalogue a wand. Sadly, he fucks up a bit and uncaptchalogues the next thing down.*
CRONUS: *A shiny silver whistle.*
KANKRI: Cr9nus he isn't putting me d9w-WHAT THE FUCK. --P9ints t9 the whistle.-- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT, CR9NUS.
RUFIOH: woah.
CRONUS: .
CRONUS: huh.
CRONUS: vwhen did that get there.
KANKRI: Y9U-Y9U-Y9U HAD IT THIS ENTIRE TIME?!
CRONUS: vwhat, no.
CRONUS: it vwas alvways there.
CRONUS: you just didnt see it.
KANKRI: LIES!
CRONUS: i bet RUFIOH dropped it.
CRONUS: think about it, hes shaking his arm, and its on the ground next to him.
RUFIOH: 1'm go1ng to make you eat your teeth...keep 1t up.
CRONUS: he KNOWVS im telling the truth.
CRONUS: thats vwhy hes threatening me.
KANKRI: --Kankri scram6les 9ut 9f Rufi9h's grip and sc99ps up his whistle, putting the string attached t9 it 9ver his head and ar9und his neck.--
KANKRI: Cr9nus, I cann9t 6ELIEVE y9u w9uld d9 this t9 me!
KANKRI: H9w c9uld y9u?
CRONUS: i told you, rufioh did it.
RUFIOH: --k1ck to the face.-- 1 d1dn't steal anyth1ng.
CRONUS: *Scoots slightly back.*
KANKRI: Cr9nus, I'm disapp9inted in y9u.
KANKRI: This is just.
CRONUS: he stole it and hes lying and im the innocent one here.
KANKRI: This is t99 much, I can't even l99k at y9u right n9w.
CRONUS: probably because my beautiful face is svwollen, bloody, and purple.
KANKRI: That's 6esides the p9int.
CRONUS: i didnt steal it.
CRONUS: its a coincidence.
KANKRI: D9n't even start with the lying!
KANKRI: I think it w9uld 6e 6est if we av9ided each 9ther f9r the time 6eing, Cr9nus.
KANKRI: I am extremely upset with y9u.
CRONUS: ...it vwas just LYING there, i didnt think you vwanted it anymore.
KANKRI: And yet y9u kept it when I said I was l99king f9r it!
RUFIOH: th1s 1s uh...should 1 leave?
CRONUS: its vwery loud.
CRONUS: yes.
CRONUS: go fuck a rusty bucket or something.
RUFIOH: woah dude...no hard feel1ngs, r1ght?
CRONUS: vwery hard feelings.
RUFIOH: harsh.
CRONUS: you beat me up.
RUFIOH: you conv1nced l1ttle kan dude here that 1 stole h1s stuff.
RUFIOH: 1 would say 1t's fa1r.
CRONUS: people lie about ME all the time.
CRONUS: i dont beat THEM up.
RUFIOH: yeah because you'll lose every f1ght you start.
CRONUS: im a pacifist.
RUFIOH: that's bullsh1t.
CRONUS: also im unarmed.
RUFIOH: st1ll.
RUFIOH: don't start sh*t 1f you can't f1n1sh 1t.
CRONUS: i didnt start shit, i vwas trying to run avway.
RUFIOH: you started 1t when you were try1ng to get kankr1 to f1ght me.
RUFIOH: look at h1m...he can't f1ght me.
RUFIOH: look at those noodle arms!
CRONUS: he said he vworks out.
KANKRI: In his defense, the sweater d9es me n9 justice.
KANKRI: I c9uld see h9w he c9uld think I was a weakling.
RUFIOH: yeah, see?
CRONUS: howv much do you actually vwork out, buddy?
KANKRI: Every weekend.
KANKRI: P9rrim put me 9n a rather strict schedule.
CRONUS: but do you DO anything or do you just sit there vwhile maryam vworks out?
KANKRI: 9h yes, P9rrim has me d9 the weight lifting and f9rces me t9 run a c9uple 9f miles.
KANKRI: I d9n't like it 6ut I d9 it anyways.
CRONUS: jeez, MILES?
KANKRI: Miles.
CRONUS: i mean, im no lightvweight myself.
CRONUS: i picked up the couch to find the remote.
RUFIOH: kankr1 1s a l1ttle more 1mpress1ve.
KANKRI: Thank y9u.
CRONUS: i dont need exercise, it comes naturally.
RUFIOH: yet you just got your *ss beat by me.
KANKRI: That is true, Cr9nus.
KANKRI: Y9u did.
KANKRI: It was sad t9 watch.
CRONUS: because i spared him.
RUFIOH: alr1ght...ready for round 2 then?
CRONUS: vwait, no.
CRONUS: its unfair.
RUFIOH: what's so unfa1r about 1t?
CRONUS: im already injured.
RUFIOH: po1nt taken.
RUFIOH: why don't we reschedule 1t for another t1me then?
KANKRI: This weekend c9uld d9.
CRONUS: just because i CAN fight doesnt mean im GOING to fight.
KANKRI: Cr9nus sh9uld 6e healed 6y then/
RUFIOH: why?
CRONUS: fine, if i admit i dont vwork out at all vwill you not beat me up again?
RUFIOH: are you go1ng to stop talk1ng about me beh1nd my back? and th1nk about your answer...1 don't want to have to get horuss 1nvolved...would you?
CRONUS: at least HES not a spotlight hog.
CRONUS: barely evwer see the cat, in fact.
CRONUS: its nice.
KANKRI: Cr9nus, y9u're 6eing incredi6ly stupid again.
KANKRI: I suggest that y9u agree t9 his terms.
CRONUS: are you denying hes a spotlight hog?
KANKRI: I'm pers9nally n9t getting int9 this.
RUFIOH: and why am 1 the spotl1ght hog?
CRONUS: cause he is, hes a spotlight hog.
CRONUS: because if it vwerent for you, ID be the team stud.
RUFIOH: 1 th1nk that would be m1tuna...hate to break 1t to you but ch1cks adore that guy.
CRONUS: vwhat.
RUFIOH: yeah man...m1tuna would be the team stud.
CRONUS: thats ridiculous.
CRONUS: ivwe got evwerything youvwe got, minus the shitty aspects, and MORE.
RUFIOH: uh...1 don't mean to accuse you of be1ng more sh1tty but...you're k1nda more sh1tty than 1 am.
CRONUS: im MUCH hotter than you.
KANKRI: De6ata6le.
CRONUS: look at these hips.
RUFIOH: aw, thanks doll.
RUFIOH: cronus...1 th1nk you need to ch1ll out...1t 1sn't a b1g deal or anyth1ng.
RUFIOH: th1s 1sn't a contest.
CRONUS: says the person vwhos vwinning.
RUFIOH: 1 d1dn't know 1 was w1nn1ng unt1l you ment1oned 1t to be a contest.
CRONUS: its unfair.
CRONUS: you dont evwen TRY and yet here i am, trying my vwery hardest, and no one appreciates me.
RUFIOH: maybe 1t's because you try too hard?
RUFIOH: 1t's k1nda overpower1ng somet1mes...a lot of people don't d1g that.
CRONUS: thats ridiculous, you cant try too hard.
KANKRI: Yes y9u can, and t9 6e h9nest that's all y9u've 6een d9ing ever since y9u left 6ehind y9ur wizard shtick.
CRONUS: oh, vwowv.
CRONUS: lowv blowv.
KANKRI: I'm just saying!
CRONUS: i tried just as hard back then, too.
CRONUS: just on different goals.
RUFIOH: yeah but that was okay because...you know...you weren't bother1ng anybody.
RUFIOH: 1t was cool that you obsessed over your w1zard sh*t.
CRONUS: i vwas also an antisocial little vweirdo.
KANKRI: I pers9nally liked that anits9cial little weird9.
CRONUS: and im proud to say i despised you.
KANKRI: Y9u pr96a6ly still d9, s9 that hasn't changed.
CRONUS: ivwe got social skills, sanity, and personal hygiene nowv.
CRONUS: im a SIGNIFICANTLY better person.
KANKRI: The pers9nal hygiene is definately a plus.
RUFIOH: soc1als sk1lls are...okay.
RUFIOH: san1ty 1s quest1onable.
CRONUS: hey, im sane.
RUFIOH: 1 stand by what 1 sa1d.
CRONUS: and ivwe got style nowv.
RUFIOH: ...
KANKRI: ...
RUFIOH: ...
KANKRI: ...
RUFIOH: okay.
CRONUS: no more fake glasses and finrings, im cool nowv.
KANKRI: Well, ditching the finrings was certainly s9mething I appr9ve 9f.
RUFIOH: hey...wa1t...1 thought you needed those glasses.
CRONUS: vwell, i mean, back THEN i did, but i took care of it.
KANKRI: H9w exactly did y9u take care 9f it?
KANKRI: Please tell me y9u didn't d9 anything reckless.
CRONUS: serket is open to persuasion and transfer of knowvledge.
RUFIOH: aw...you d1dn't consult aranea...1t's l1ke mak1ng a deal w1th the dev1l.
CRONUS: 20/20, baby.
RUFIOH: snap...that's pretty fly.
RUFIOH: st1ll though...aranea?
CRONUS: shes hot.
RUFIOH: eh.
KANKRI: Highly de6ata6le.
CRONUS: evwer vwonder vwhy i use 8s?
KANKRI: N9w that y9u menti9n it, I have w9ndered why y9u d9 that.
CRONUS: *Eyebrow wiggle.*
RUFIOH: ew.
RUFIOH: gross man.
CRONUS: vwhat, howv is an innuendo gross?
RUFIOH: because...1t's aranea...g1rl has a screw loose up there dude.
CRONUS: so?
RUFIOH: plus her fanf1ct1on 1s...we1rd.
CRONUS: vwait, fanfiction?
RUFIOH: yeah...she has volumes of fanf1ct1ons she's wr1tten about all of us stacked on her bookshelf.
RUFIOH: been work1ng on 1t for sweeps.
CRONUS: havwe you read any of it?
CRONUS: am i in it?
CRONUS: is it sexy?
CRONUS: howv did she describe my ass?
RUFIOH: whoa...slow down there dude.
RUFIOH: to answer your quest1on 1t's yes, yes, no, yes.
CRONUS: my last one vwasnt a yes or no question.
RUFIOH: just.
RUFIOH: she d1d and that's 1t.
CRONUS: but howv vwas it described.
RUFIOH: 1 don't want to talk about what 1v'e seen.
CRONUS: please.
RUFIOH: no.
CRONUS: ill pay you.
RUFIOH: man you couldn't pay me enoug- weeeeell...no, wa1t, no.
RUFIOH: not happen1ng.
CRONUS: vweeeeeeellll?
RUFIOH: no.
CRONUS: vwhat if i said ivwe been stealing your hair products for eons and i could givwe you them back.
RUFIOH: dude, what the f*ck!
RUFIOH: why do you do all th1s we1rd sh*t?
CRONUS: petty theft is thrilling and i dont havwe any grist left to make my owvn stuff?
RUFIOH: 1 thought you made b1ll1ons when we were 1n the game.
RUFIOH: what happened to all that gr1st?
CRONUS: yeah, lets just say it turns out the more satisfying a vwibrator is, the more exponentially expensivwe it is.
RUFIOH: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!
KANKRI: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!
KANKRI: T99 much inf9rmati9n, Cr9nus!
CRONUS: im broke.
KANKRI: Cr9nus I th9ught y9u had y9ur g9ld.
KANKRI: What happened t9 y9ur g9ld?
CRONUS: you cant alchemize stuff vwith gold.
KANKRI: Can't y9u trade with Meenah?
KANKRI: Y9u kn9w h9w she l9ves her g9ld.
CRONUS: im going to put gold vwithin her reach, and trust that shes going to pay me fairly for it?
RUFIOH: do the mex1can trade off...1 co1ned that term from a human.
CRONUS: i dont knowv vwhat that means.
RUFIOH: 1t means you should just sw1tch at the same exact t1me.
RUFIOH: that way nobody gets screwed over.
CRONUS: vwhat if she stabs me after vwe svwitch.
RUFIOH: that...1 can't help you w1th.
CRONUS: and i VWOULD use boonbucks, but im completely out of those.
RUFIOH: dude.
KANKRI: Cr9nus, y9u need t9 manage y9ur m9ney 6etter.
CRONUS: its not related to dildos.
KANKRI: Then what did y9u use it f9r this time?
CRONUS: ok, so, i spent a lot of time on derse, yknowv?
CRONUS: and i spent a lot of time at this underground casino.
KANKRI: Cr9nus, what have I t9ld y9u a69ut gam6ling?
KANKRI: First 9f all, I t9ld y9u y9u're n9t g99d at it.
CRONUS: and the game vwas a little confusing and i didnt understand it too vwell, but i had fun.
