Devious Journal Entry

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Latula [LATULA] joined chat. ~~ 1 ~~

your brother!(tw:suicide)Mituna [MITUNA] joined chat. ~~ 2 ~~

MITUNA: It had been a little over a month. Mituna was back from the hospital and living at home again, under the close supervision of his (older/younger) sister. He'd been acting normal, like he did before all this happened, that is. That didn't say much though, he'd seemed fucking /fine/ before he tried to hang himself from his ceiling fan. Despite his sister's attempts to talk about what happened, get him to calm down and open up, he just wouldn't. This was the first night that anything was different. He came knocking on his sister's door at three in the morning, looking as pale and shaky as he had on the night it happened. His eyes darted around and he made small, uncomfortable noises in his throat.

LATULA: There parents had asked Latula to look after her brother after he was granted release from the hospital. It had been strange for her, looking after a sibling that was almost two years older than she was. Somebody who was usually the one taking care of her, the one who taught her how to ride her first skateboard when she was three, the one who showed her how to make a meal that didn't come out of a can when she was seven, somebody who sat down with her at the kitchen table and helped her with her homework and somebody who was there to chase away anything or anyone that uppsetted her. Now it was the other way around, she was to keep an eye on him at all times, be in the same room as him so she could rest assure that he wasn't trying to make another attempt to end his life, even when he went to do trivial things like taking a shower or using the bathroom, she made sure to stand outside just in case she heard something off going on in there. Time after time she would try to talk to him about it, find out why he attempted to kill himself in the first place, but every time she brought up the topic she was ignored time and time again until the subject was dropped completely. It went on like this for almost a month until she was awoken in the dead of night by a loud knock coming from outside her room, barely even glancing at her glow in the dark clock on her bedside table she slung her legs over her bed and walked to the door, opening it up as quietly as she could so she wouldn't...

LATULA: disturb anybody else in the household. "Mituna?" She whispered after her eyes adjusted enough to see that it was him standing in the doorway, making strange noises in the back of his throat. "What are you doing? You should be sleeping?" She paused. "What's the matter?"

MITUNA: "Tula." His voice was quiet and shaky and he avoided her eyes, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. God, he was already regretting this. He should have just let himself die, it wasn't worth bothering her about. All this time she'd asked and asked and asked what was wrong, and he didn't want to tell her. How dare he ask for her help now? "I'm needing you to watzch me and shit." His hair fell into his eyes, and his expression was a lot darker than usual. "I'm. To make sure I don't do anything bad."

LATULA: She stood there in the doorway for a moment or two, nothing but silence between them in that time until she grabbed his hand and tried to pull him into her room. "Why don't you come in here, okay? I'm going to take a guess and say that you aren't exaclty in the mood to go to sleep so I won't let that be the first suggestion that comes out of my mouth, though I suppose we could link up our game boys together like old times if that's something you would find more appealing? I'm just spit balling ideas here, give me a moment to get out of my REM daze."

MITUNA: He sniffled and shook his head, pulling his hand back. "I don't wanna distract myself, I've distracted myself enough. I j-just..." He hissed through his teeth, trying his damndest not to cry,"I just don't wanna be alive,'Tula, I really don't." He took a step back so he could bolt if he wanted to. Maybe he could reason with her, talk her into letting him go. She was his little sister, though, he mostly just wanted her to feel happy. If she cried or something he'd... he wouldn't be able to do it. "I'm just a burden on you."

LATULA: It stung a little when he yanked out of her grip and took a step away from her like her touched had burned him, she tried her very best to conceal this hurt from forming on her face. It wouldn't do either of them any good if she showed any sign of it, he was already getting too emotionally unstable. "Tuna, please, you're just- you don't know what you're saying! The last thing you are to me is a burden. Just please, don't do anything risky here, we can talk about this! You've been doing so well ever since you left the hospital, and i'm not just saying that, you've been making some real progress!" She saw the tears starting to well up in his eyes. "Tell me what it is, is it me? Have I been too overbearing with you lately? I can give you your space! I'll even get out of the house for a few hours so you can have some alone time!"

MITUNA: "No, no, no, 'Tula, you wouldn't get it." he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, shaking way too hard to think. "I don't want to talk. I'm a fucking worthless burdening piece of shit and I wish I wasn't ALIVE anymore." He screeched, seconds away from a full-blown panic attack.

LATULA: She took a step towards him, resting a hand on one of his wrists as slowly and as gently as she possible good. "Mituna, just breath okay? Come on, you know what to do. Deep breath in, deep breath out, and then repeat the cycle. Nobody in this world wants you dead except you, and I don't know why that would be. I mean, I know that things have been difficult and frustrating lately for the both of us but I want you to know that it never once crossed my mind that you were any sort of burden to me. You know what you are? You, are an amazing brother, you always have been and you always WILL be. I couldn't imagine a day where I would wake up in the morning knowing that you didn't exist on this planet anymore! You have your whole life ahead of you, and I can tell you without a doubt in my mind that things can get better for you but you have to take the first step, willingly, to get there. Y-you have to start telling me what's been eating away at you so I can at least ATTEMPT to help you through this! Please Mituna, just trust me."


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