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At your door covered in mud!golgothasTerror [GT] joined chat. ~~ 1 ~~

timaeusTestified [TT] joined chat. ~~ 2 ~~

GT: Dirk! Dirk open up!!

TT: *Once he heard someone at his door, Dirk got up to open it. Raising an eyebrow the moment he saw Jake standing there, covered in mud he shook his head.* I hope you don't expect to come in when your ass is that filthy.

GT: I did my best to clean it off with the spare napkins I had stashed away in my back pocket! And i'll promise to take off my boots before walking in so I don't track any mud onto your too clean floor, which in my option should have a nice thin layer of earth on it.

TT: I'll disagree with you there, but if my floor does get a nice thin layer of Earth I'm not going to be the one cleaning it. *He stepped to the side to let him in.* How'd you manage this one anyway?

GT: -Takes his boots off and throws them off to the side and walks in.- Well I don't mean to brag but guess who finally got that gang of raccoons to stop going through their garbage cans? I'll give you one guess.

TT: My guess is going towards the garbage man. Maybe he was gettin' sick and tired of the raccoons screwing with his job he just decided to get rid of them.

GT: No, Jared gave up the war with them sometime ago. Once they had bitten a chunk from his left leg and he had to go to the doctor's for six months for his shots he passed down the fight to me, and I, JAKE ENGLISH HAVE DEFEATED THEM!

TT: Really? Because it just looks like you rolled in a bunch of crap and then walked over here to brag about it.

GT: No. I defeated the little bastards and then walked over here to brag about it. There's a big difference there mister Strider.

TT: You could have did yourself the honor to have a celebratory shower when you were done dealing with your oversized rat problem.

GT: About that...

GT: I may or may not have been locked out of my house.

GT: Not that I locked myself out of my house!

GT: My grandmother wouldn't let me step foot in it.

TT: I don't blame her for not wanting you inside.

GT: I mean it's not like I was going to make a big mess, I was just going to go to my room!

GT: It's already a mess in there so what's a little more?

TT: Mud is a little different than horrible movies and posters being thrown around on the floor.

GT: Hey, at least I don't have homemade sex toys lying all over the damned place.

TT: Oh, whoa.

TT: Whoa, whoa.

TT: They're not just sex toys, man. Cut them some slack.

TT: They have plenty of uses.

GT: Oh yeah? Why don't you enlighten me on what those over uses may be?

TT: They make great shower loofahs.

GT: Boo.

TT: You might need one to scrub all that dirt off.

GT: I think i'll just use this magical device called a wash cloth.

GT: It's like that but without the nose that looks like a male genital and eyes.

TT: Nah, the "homemade sex toys" do a better job than the wash cloth. The fact that it's like male genitals makes it easier to get in the hard to reach places.

GT: I' going to pretend that I went completely deaf in the last minute, so I didn't quite catch what you just said there old pal. Apologizes.

TT: If you want me to repeat what I said, I can. It'll be no problem.

GT: No, no, no, no don't trouble yourself.

GT: I'll pretend that it wasn't something that scarred me a little bit internally.

TT: Suit yourself. But my point still stands.

GT: I think I would rather just use a piece of cloth.

GT: Call me crazy!

TT: You're crazy.

TT: If you want I can go over some of the other uses.

GT: Is it anything I will most likely tend to ignore?

TT: Maybe, maybe not. It's hard to say for sure.

GT: Eh, go on with it anyway.

TT: Well say you're babysitting and you lost the binky you can pop the nose of the smuppet into the kid's mouth and wallah. Binky problem dealt with and you'll have a quiet kid.

GT: Dirk I don't think that would fly with the child's guardian.

TT: You can pull it off as a new invention. The smupbinky. When you lose the binky, use a smuppet. It'll fix all your child's needs.

GT: I think that may or may not be considered as some sort of pedophilia in some sense, don't you think it would be better to just go and get yourself a spare just in case you lose the first one?

GT: I mean I only babysat about four time or so and i'll tell you one thing parents are just as overbearing over their youngsters as a fully grown mother bear is.

TT: It's possible, but my way is quicker and easier. Especially if you're babysitting in my apartment.

GT: Have you actually been in the presence of a child by yourself?

TT: Not exactly.

GT: Oh boy.

TT: Kids aren't something I strive to get.

TT: Whether it's to watch for a day or to have.

TT: But the ideas still came.

GT: For the time being, i'll have to agree with you.

GT: Maybe somewhere later in the future you'll adapt.

TT: I don't know, dude. I guess we'll see.

GT: I guess we will, but if by the off chance that you do have a baby in your custody i'm going to have to confiscate all of your "binky's ".

TT: Now I think you're going pretty far with the whole baby thing. They won't just be binkys or shower loofahs. They can be like a normal stuffed animal for the kid to cuddle.

TT: You don't want to take away a kid's precious toy and cuddle buddy, do you?

GT: I would rather get them something more practical like a teddy bear or a unicorn or something like that.

GT: Not a smuppet! Those are for adults and you know it.

TT: You can easily turn a smuppet into a unicorn.

GT: You're pushing it.

TT: I wouldn't have to push it if you didn't threaten to take them away.

TT: But I guess if you did I could just as easily make more.

GT: Damn you and your unlimited supply of sewing equipment.

TT: Anyway with that conversation aside you should really take washing up into consideration.

GT: Oh right I forgot that I was covered in dirt and slime! It feels like a second layer of skin now.

GT: Kind of comfy if it weren't for the sour smell.

TT: You aren't going to stay like that, I hate to break it to you.

GT: I know, i'm in the Strider abode now.

GT: WHERE EVERYTHING IS SPOTLESS.

TT: The last part is debatable, but I don't want to clean more than I would have to if I ever had to do it.

GT: I say that if there isn't anything living in your house that you don't want then you should start cleaning.

TT: I think I can go a few more months without the cleaning.

GT: Amen to that.

TT: And if something needed to be cleaned let me tell you, out of everything here right now it isn't my abode.

GT: What is that suppose to mean?

TT: It means you need to get clean or else I'm bringing you outside and squirting you down with the hose.

GT: No! Not the hose! You always put it too cold! It's like taking a dip in the Alantic Ocean, Strider!

TT: The hose it is. Start marching outside.

GT: No! Come on! I'll go get a shower right this instant! Just don't make me get sprayed down by the hose! Please!!!

TT: It's too late for that. Outside. Go.

GT: No please please please, i'll do anything! Just don't get the blasted hose!!

TT: As much as I love your begging it isn't going to cut it.

GT: Please Dirk! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease???

TT: Not gonna work today, English.

GT: Pretend that it's another day, a day that it DOES work!!

TT: I'll drag you outside if it comes to that.

GT: Diiiiiiiiirk.

TT: Jake.

GT: No!!!

TT: Let's go. I don't have all day to do this.

GT: It doesn't need to be like this Strider, we can reach a more agreeable arrangement!

TT: We already came too far for an agreeable arrangement.

GT: It isn't too late to turn back.

TT: I think it is.

TT: But I'll make one exception.

GT: What? Name it and it's practically done!

TT: Remember how I told you about the shower loofah idea?

GT: Yeah?

TT: *Dirk turned to grab one of the nearby smuppets, handing it over to Jake afterwards.* Enjoy your shower.

GT: Ehhhhhhh. Really?

TT: Really.

TT: It's that or the hose.

GT: I'm trying to decide which one is less humiliating.

TT: You don't have long to pick before your time runs out.

GT: How much time to I get?

TT: I'll give you thirty more seconds.

GT: Uhhhh.

TT: Twenty more seconds.

GT: DON'T PRESSURE ME!

TT: You have ten seconds.

GT: Uhm. Uh. I choose, uh.

TT: Five seconds.

TT: Four.

TT: Three.

TT: Two.

GT: NO! Stop the coutdown!

TT: You better hurry up.

TT: Because it's close to zero now.

GT: Hose! I'll do the hose!!

TT: Make a move on downstairs then.

GT: This is malarky. A man shouldn't have to choose between the hose and a smuppet.

TT: It was a pretty easy decision if you ask me.

GT: No. It wasn't.

GT: So this is going to be one of those quick spray downs, correct?

TT: That depends on how long it takes to get this mud off.

GT: I mean if I stop smelling before all of it comes off I would say that would be good enough.

TT: No, you need to be spotless. Not even a speck of dirt can be anywhere on you.

GT: That's impossible.

TT: That's the point.

GT: Ughhh!!

TT: *He opened up the front door for Jake to walk out.* You know where the hose is.

GT: Sadly enough. -Walks out the front door and goes around the side to get the hose.-

TT: *Following him outside he held his hand out for the hose once Jake had it.* I gotta admit squirting you with a hose is pretty fun.

GT: I'll get my revenge one day, Strider. -Shoves the hose into his hands.-

TT: *Dirk had a smug grin on his face while he started the water up to put it on the coldest setting, getting ready to point it at Jake.* I'd love to see you try.

GT: You have to sleep sometime, Dirk. And when you do i'll will make my move.

TT: I can go at least a few weeks without sleep. You might have better luck trying a new approach. *And after that was said he started to spray him down with the water.*

GT: OH MY GOOD GOD!! JESUS FUCKING CHRISTMAS THAT'S COLD!! AH!! AH!!!

TT: Like I said, you're a giant baby. I'm sure it isn't that cold. Just keep still.

GT: H-h-h-how am-m I suppose to st-stay STILL WHEN I'M ALREADY C-C-COMING DOWN WITH HYPOTHERM-MIA!!!

TT: Easy. Don't move. *He moved the hose up to quickly squirt Jake's face before going back to what he was doing before.*

GT: -His glasses where starting to fog up from the blend between the hot outside air and the cold water, he spat out the water that had gotten into his mouth while it was open.- You're a r-rat bastard sometimes!!

TT: I'll give you a towel and something hot to drink when it's over. Calm down.

GT: Are you almost done??

TT: Turn around so I can get your back and that's it.

GT: Okay, okay. -Turns around.-

TT: *Once he got most of the mud off his backside he did one last squirt to the back of his head before lowering the hose.* You're good to go.

GT: I don't think that last blast of water was neccessary, mister Strider.

TT: I saw some mud in your hair.

GT: Suuuuure you did!

TT: Well, it's not there now. You're welcome. *Turning the water off he put the hose back down.*

GT: Thank you for hosing me down, Dirk. That was half sarcastic and half truthful just in case you didn't quite catch it. -Walks over to him shivering.-

TT: I'd give you a hug to try and warm you up, but I'm not all for getting wet right now.

GT: Oh really? Because I just have the sudden urge to give you the most tender of embraces my dear friend. Come on, let's hug.

TT: I'll turn the hose back on. Don't come near me.

GT: Don't you care about me and my feelings Dirk? Don't hurt my feelings! Give me a hug! -Takes a step towards him with open arms.-

TT: At the moment, no. I don't care. *He took a step backwards.*

GT: -Tackles him to the ground and hugs him.- Too late, eh?

TT: Blah! *He groaned when he was tackled to the ground, getting wet. There was no avoiding all the water coming directly from Jake and onto him.* That was totally uncalled for.

GT: I thought you were the master of expecting the unexpected? You're getting a little rusty!

TT: I'm not getting rusty. I just wasn't completely on my feet when you jumped.

GT: Uh huh, whatever you say.

TT: *Dirk tried to reach over to the side to grab the hose on the ground beside them.*

GT: Ahh! No! -Trying to pin his arm down.-

TT: Let go of my arm. *Pouting he attempted to wiggle his arm free from his grip.*

GT: No way! You're going to try to get the hose again! I saw you!

TT: I'm not getting to hose, I'm trying to stretch my arms. There's a difference.

GT: Oh so you were trying to stretch your arms towards the hose? That's a lame excuse.

TT: Hey, cramping arms are never good.

TT: No one wants cramped up arms.

TT: And right now you're cramping my arm up, so let go.

GT: Not until you promise not to touch that hose for the rest of the night!

TT: I can't do that.

GT: Then I can't let you go.

TT: You can let me go.

GT: Nope!

TT: All you have to do is lift your hand up. I think you're capable of doing that.

GT: I think you're capable of keeping such a small promise, don't you think so?

GT: All you have to do is say, "Jake I promise not to touch that hose ever ever again on this glorious night."

GT: That's all you have to do and then you can get your arm back, it seems like a good deal to me.

TT: You see, I can't do that. What if my sink stops working and I need some way to clean my dishes? I'd have to come down and use the hose to wash them down.

TT: But if I make that promise I'd have to sit with dirty dishes.

GT: You'll only have to wait until twelve o clock tonight.

TT: That's a lot of word.

TT: Dirty dishes can't wait to be cleaned at twelve o clock.

GT: Yes they can.

TT: I don't think my dishes will survive that long.

GT: I think that they might make it just in the nick of time.

GT: Now say those two little words to me Strider and all of your problems will disappear.

TT: Not going to happen, English.

GT: Then we're going to be here for a while.

TT: You can't sit here all day.

GT: I can and I will.

TT: *Snorting he tried to reach for the hose again anyway.*

GT: No!! -Puts more weight on his arm.- You're such a stubborn mule!

TT: Uggh. When my arm gets cramped you're the one that's going to have to deal with me.

GT: I'm already having to deal with you!

TT: I'll only get worse.

GT: I'm reading for it.

GT: ready*

TT: I'm not. But I am ready for you to get off me.

GT: I'm ready for you to make a promise that you'll keep.

TT: I will make the promise, but I might not keep it.

GT: Baby steps I suppose.

TT: It still isn't going to happen.

GT: Dirk just do it already! Swallow your pride for once in your existence!

TT: Sorry, but no can do.

GT: Then I stay on top of you for all enternity, learn to enjoy it.

TT: Just laying here isn't enjoyable. That's why people don't just lay like this without a little action going on very often. And you're wet, so that makes it worse.

GT: Your wet too know, so, you know.

TT: I know I'm wet. It's an uncomfortable wet feeling.

GT: Is there such a thing as a comfortable wet?

TT: If you think about it, yes.

GT: Like when you're swimming?

TT: That works.

GT: Yes! Score one for English.

TT: Swimming or in the shower.

GT: I wouldn't know what that was like.

TT: You had the choice, but you picked this.

TT: And now look what happened.

GT: I'm not going to use your smuppet to clean my body.

TT: Your loss, not mine.

GT: Ugh. My arm is starting to ache.

TT: Your arm is aching? My arm is aching.

GT: I guess both of our arms are aching. -Lets go of his arm and rolls off him.- You win, yet again.

TT: *He sat up and tried brushing the dirt off his wet clothes.* It's about time.

GT: It wouldn't have taken so long if you would say one little promise.

GT: I don't understand what was so hard about that!

TT: I have a record for never swallowing my pride. Never did it, never will.

GT: You should.

TT: Well there's a chance I was going to break that promise.

TT: I try to be a man of my word.

GT: Of course you do, do you think your word would allow me to borrow something dry?

TT: I did offer a towel and a warm beverage. We can swap the towel for dry clothes.

GT: I would love that.

TT: Then let's get a move on.

GT: You got it! -Gets up and offers Dirk his hand.-

GT: I wouldn't know what that was like.

TT: You had the choice, but you picked this.

TT: And now look what happened.

GT: I'm not going to use your smuppet to clean my body.

TT: Your loss, not mine.

GT: Ugh. My arm is starting to ache.

TT: Your arm is aching? My arm is aching.

GT: I guess both of our arms are aching. -Lets go of his arm and rolls off him.- You win, yet again.

TT: *He sat up and tried brushing the dirt off his wet clothes.* It's about time.

GT: It wouldn't have taken so long if you would say one little promise.

GT: I don't understand what was so hard about that!

TT: I have a record for never swallowing my pride. Never did it, never will.

GT: You should.

TT: Well there's a chance I was going to break that promise.

TT: I try to be a man of my word.

GT: Of course you do, do you think your word would allow me to borrow something dry?

TT: I did offer a towel and a warm beverage. We can swap the towel for dry clothes.

GT: I would love that.

TT: Then let's get a move on.

GT: You got it! -Gets up and offers Dirk his hand.-

GT: Thank you for letting me pick this time, because boiling gatorade does not count as a hot beverage.

TT: It was hot and it was a drink.

GT: It made my stomach upset for three days.

TT: You didn't have to drink it. It was just offered.

GT: I had to be polite.

TT: Saying no to boiling gatorade wouldn't kill me.

TT: Drinking it might.

GT: Then why did you bother going through the trouble of making it?

TT: Shits and giggles, I guess.

TT: Besides we didn't have anything else.

TT: You wanted a hot beverage, so I made one with what I had.

GT: You're dedicated, i'll give you that.

TT: It's sort of like the Texan version of tea.

TT: I do my best.

GT: Texans will never cease to amaze me.

timaeusTestified's connection timed out. Please don't quit straight away; they could be back.

timaeusTestified [TT] joined chat. ~~ 2 ~~

TT: Honestly I liked that better than whatever you made that one time for a drink.

GT: It was called tea Dirk.

TT: I don't even know what that was.

TT: Oh.

GT: I can't believe that you didn't like tea!

GT: I mean what kind of person doesn't enjoy it?

TT: Maybe it was just the way you made it.

TT: You might just be bad at making tea.

GT: Dirk you're offending me.

TT: You have my most sincere apology, but I'm just being honest.

GT: Maybe you just have faulty taste buds.

TT: I think it's just the way you make tea.

TT: Instead of going through all the trouble to boil the water, next time just use the microwave.

TT: It might work better for you.

GT: Microwave? Who the hell uses the microwave to make tea?

GT: Don't you people own a kettle?

TT: Texans.

TT: Texans use the microwave to make tea.

GT: That's...I don't even know what to say to that!

GT: It's mind blowing!

GT: I mean, the kettle has always been used to make tea.

TT: Kettles take too long.

GT: No they don't!

TT: Microwave takes thirty seconds. When you tried making it for us it felt like forever.

GT: It was like fifteen minutes tops, you three are all just impatient is what you are.

GT: Can you not wait a measily fifteen minutes?

TT: Obviously I can't.

GT: Obviously.

TT: But I'm telling you, try the microwave.

TT: You can use that thing for literally anything.

TT: Even s'mores.

GT: Okay now you're just being ridculous.

GT: You roast them over an open fire.

GT: Not the microwave.

TT: You can melt the chocolate and get the marshmallow hot in the microwave.

TT: Slap it on the cracker thing and you're done.

GT: Dirk why must you suck all the fun out of making things???

TT: I don't suck the fun out of it.

TT: If you keep the marshmallow in too long it explodes.

TT: That's fun on its own.

GT: I thought that you didn't like making messes.

TT: When it's a fun mess it's different.

TT: Mud isn't fun to clean up.

GT: Oh you are such a hypocrite.

TT: At least I'd be making the mess this time.

GT: Touche.

TT: And we get the satisfaction of watching marshmallows expand and explode.

GT: Alright, alright you've made your point!

TT: I'm glad I got that across.

GT: Yes you did, hey I thought that your brother was to be home this weekend. Where did he run off to? And matter of fact where are your two rapping robots as well?

TT: He never showed. No surprise there, probably got busy or something. And squarewave and Sawtooth were in my room last time I checked.

GT: Well that sucks, you must have been looking forward to that.

TT: Sort of, but this wasn't the first time either.

GT: Maybe he's just running a little late is all.

TT: Maybe. I don't know, I figured he would've said something if that was the case.

TT: But anyway.

TT: Let's just change the subject.

GT: Right o.

TT: *Dirk lightly bumped his shoulder before starting to walk forwards back into the building.*

GT: -Walks next to him.- So dear you hear about that new X-Men movie in the theatres? It sounds pretty good and I was thinking that if you weren't too busy the two of us could go and see it together on a, I don't know, Friday perhaps?

TT: Knowing how most of your movies tend to go I'm not sure whether to believe it's going to be good or not. If you want to go though I won't complain about seeing it until afterwards.

GT: Well...well I mean we don't have to see that movie, any movie is fine! And we could go get some dinner too! It'll be fun!

TT: Nah, your X-Men movie is fine. But the way you're describing it you make it sound more like a date than anything else.

TT: Should I put on my fancy clothes while I'm at it?

TT: Take an extra thirty minutes to do my hair?

GT: I'm not opposed to the idea.

TT: A date it is then.

TT: I might even go full out and put some makeup on to look pretty for you.

GT: Whatever makes you happy, Strider. I'm sure you would be the prettiest boy there.

TT: I'm touched.

TT: Flattered even.

GT: That's the effect of my smooth talking.

TT: You should stick to the smooth talking instead of the insulting from now on.

GT: Ouch.

GT: I didn't exactly try to major myself in insulting.

GT: So a bit of slack would be appreciated.

TT: I'm throwing you slack as we speak.

TT: So much slack you can probably tie yourself up in it.

GT: Wow, aren't you being nice.

TT: I'm just kidding.

GT: It's kind of hard to tell, you're stuck are sarcasm sometimes.

TT: This entire time I only intended to insult you twice.

TT: The only times was just teasing.

GT: Oh. I'm just going to pretend that it was all just teasing.

TT: If that's what makes you happy.

GT: It makes me estatic.

GT: So, on the matter of kidding around are we going on a friend date or a date date?

TT: It sounded like a date date to me, but it depends on how you meant it.

GT: I meant it to be a date date but i'm still a bit confused on how it played out.

TT: It'll be a date date then.

TT: Not a friend date, but a date date.

GT: Yesss.

TT: For the dinner idea though.

GT: What?

TT: Since this is a date date if you don't have an idea in mind we can try out that new Sushi place.

GT: Uh Sushi's that raw food, right? Doesn't that give you samonella or food poisoning or something??

TT: No, not if it's made right.

GT: Oh. Well then, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try?

GT: I've never had it before.

TT: We might want to play it safe and try somewhere else if that's the case.

GT: No! If you want to go and eat there, then we'll go!

TT: Alright. And sushi isn't all that bad. If they did good takeout I might as well eat it for dinner every night.

At your door covered in mud!golgothasTerror's connection timed out. Please don't quit straight away; they could be back.

At your door covered in mud!golgothasTerror [GT] joined chat. ~~ 1 ~~

GT: Wouldn't you get tired of fish though?

TT: Eventually, I might. That or I'll just get sick.

GT: Mm, well don't try to get yourself to that point.

TT: I will swap between pizza and sushi, don't you worry.

GT: Do you eat anything that isn't instant or can be delievered?

TT: On a rare occasion.

GT: How rare would that be?

TT: Rare enough to almost never happen.

GT: You know how to cook, right?

TT: I can whip up anything that's precooked or frozen.

GT: Oh good lord, I need to teach you how to make yourself a proper meal.

TT: I considered frozen proper, but I guess it isn't in your eyes.

GT: No Dirk I mean like a meal with vegetables that you have to cook, meat that you have to cook, and whatever else.

TT: That'll be an interesting experience, I'll tell you that.

TT: Cooking.

TT: It's like a foreign language.

GT: Except it helps you stay alive and healthy!

GT: Isn't this going to be a ball?

TT: I'm healthy and alive as we speak.

TT: But totally. A giant ball. I'm shaking with excitement.

GT: You're going to get tired of take out at some point and if you don't know how to cook yourself some real food then you're going to be in a deep hole!

TT: No way someone can get tired of take out. When one place gets boring just move to another.

GT: Heart attack at age thirty I tell you.

TT: My bet is I can make it to thirty one at least.

GT: I would rather you not die so young so we're going to try to stick to the healthy home made meals, got it?

TT: You got it. I will give homemade meals a shot.

GT: Thank you for being so easy going about it.




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Unicornturds69
Jade Connors
"You can't kill the client Naruto, it doesn't work that way"
-Kakashi
Art is an Explosion!
-Deidara
Feel offended? Cry me a river and drown in it.
I sure like tv.. And wearing pants
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99.8% of anime fans are obsessing over Naruto.. If you are the last few of the clan who can think up three or more better anime than this, paste this on your signature please (E.G. Black Lagoon, Darker than Black, Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni and Elfen Lied)
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SirAdamus Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013
Thanks for the faves.
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:iconramienoodle:
RamieNoodle Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Student
Thank you for the fave! :w00t:
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:iconninjaapoptart:
NinjaaPoptart Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013  Student General Artist
eeeee thank you for the watch
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